I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
