We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And then he peed in my hair
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