I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
