help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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