Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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