I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
