it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
