Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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