ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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