mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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