needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
