He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
