There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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