some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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