just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
