**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish my penis had an off switch
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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