I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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