phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
