So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
