Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
