So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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