Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Randomize
