Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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