That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
