Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
where are you?
Hypothermia
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
