dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
