Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When are your genitals available?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
