she was so not down for the gang bang
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
