Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
