Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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