Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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