i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
