make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
