if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
