my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
