if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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