so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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