would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
