I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Come on in and take your pants off
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
