the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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