Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
