Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
