Just fell off a train. Bad.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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