I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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