He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
