That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
