Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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