That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You can't special order awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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