i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
