He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
