My cat gives me a boner
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
