My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
